A New Story

Recently in the throes of looking through old slides, some from over 50 years ago, I came across a photo of myself. 


There I was, age 25 or so, gazing at the scenery of Versailles, the palace of Louis XIV, outside Paris. The image reminded me of something my mother used to say: “All young people are beautiful.”


I remember the outfit I was wearing...dressy by today’s standards for touring. Heels, stockings, a black sweater with the skirt from a lovely mohair walking suit. We dressed up in those days for traveling...no sneakers and denims.

On that day I was in the company of a friend, Jack, from San Francisco, where I had lived prior to my stint with the Foreign Service. 
 He was on a world tour with a wealthy, elderly man who wanted Jack along to carry the traveler’s checks and make arrangements for him should he die. 


We had a personal female guide, a private sedan and driver, and after some sightseeing in Paris we drove out to Versailles for a delicious lunch at an elegant outdoor patio. That’s where the photo was taken.


I thought: Who was that girl?

She was a risk taker--left everything behind to live and work in a foreign country. That was so long ago, and yet -- that period in my life is so vivid. 


Much has transpired since then. Marriage, family, working life, retirement, widowhood, and increasing age. 


Living on my own I sometimes feel stressed and overwhelmed by the conditions of not just my life, but the conditions of the world. 


My head will swim with the latest media circus election news, as I try not to engage anyone in talking politics. It’s so partisan! Then I’m immersed in pragmatic concerns such as RMDs (required minimum distributions), long term care planning, social security issues, drought-stricken yard maintenance, health and fitness management, and attempts to get my book manuscript off my computer and into print.


So much to do. Flagging energy. Sometimes I feel stuck.  Sometimes I forget I’m a Science of Mind minister.  Sometimes I fail to see the perfection behind all things.


Where’s the verve, joy, passion, boldness, inner vitality and adventurous spirit of that girl NOW, TODAY? Her story is from yesterday, faded into the dustbin of history. Yet she was illuminated with life, with possibility. The future lay before her.

Today I, facing my 79th birthday, need a new story. I need that verve, joy, passion, boldness, inner vitality and adventurous spirit.

Dr. Cara Barker, on her website (www.carabarker.com) has this to say: “Living in the gap between what was, the present, and what has not yet formed, is a course of secret anxiety and suffering. Learning how to address these times creatively and mindfully, brings transformation and healing.”
   
What would Ernest Holmes say?
   
“Every day is a fresh beginning, every day is the world made new...That moment in the eternal present when we are no longer conditioned by the past and when anticipation of the future does not condition the present -- we shall be free.”

And so it is.

Reinvention

How do we know when it's time to reinvent ourselves?

For me it came with an 8th grade English project. My son was assigned the "Time Magazine Man of the Year Project." Being artistically and mathematically talented, he chose Leonardo daVinci. He started with the cover, followed up with some colorful ads, and then the copy.

I don't remember how I got involved, but I do remember taking photos of Leonardo's projects, helping with layout, typing and captions, and overall using my journalism and photojournalism skills to help him create the magazine. Of course it was an outstanding project; no doubt he received an "A."

For me, it was a lot of fun, but I also had to stop and ask myself: What are you doing?

Basically I was having a midlife crisis. I wasn't sleeping well. Children were growing up, needing me less. I was into my helicopter mom mode with the Leonardo project, and it made me realize that I had to make a change.

Of course there were starts and stops. I've made mistakes, I thought. I had opportunities I didn't grasp. I had gone for an interview for an unpaid internship in public relations, using my journalism background. But the result and underlying message was very negative. I was already 40. Younger people just out of college were preferred. I felt my opportunities were limited. I was not in a good place.

My husband was concerned, and if not for him I wouldn't have taken my first job, my first step back into the world of work. I had seen an ad for a job as a clerical assistant at the local university, which was walking distance away. I had a resume, but I didn't want to send it in. I thought: I have a master's degree in journalism; what am I doing looking for a clerical assistant job? I felt it was beneath me.

Well, my husband dropped the resume off right before the deadline, and before I knew it I had a job working for three professors on a gifted education project. I did that for a year; I still had insomnia and was working on my emotional issues. But it was a start.

While there I learned of a master's program in counseling psychology. I spoke to someone who had gone through it, and she reported it was "Micky Mouse," and very "touchy feely." Being more of a thinking, intellectual, head person, I immediately decided: that's exactly what I need. Something "touchy feely." So I enrolled and had a wonderful three years of learning not just about educational psychology, but about ME. And so I began my journeys in personal development.

Lately, in decluttering the garage, I came across some of my son's schoolwork, including the Leonardo project. I was reminded of my younger self, of the need to reinvent myself at that point in time. And of the ongoing reinventions during different periods of our lives. Recently I heard of a book called "The 100-Year Life: Living and working in an age of longevity" by Lynda Gratton. 100 Years! That's going to take quite a few reinventions.

And as Ernest Holmes says: "In mental work, we must realize that there is One Infinite Mind, which is consciously directing our destiny. Declare every day that: 'No mistakes have been made, none are being made, and none CAN be made.' And know that we stand at the point of limitless opportunity; that opportunity is right here today; that we see it and grasp it. We exist in Limitless Opportunities, which are forever seeking expression through us."

Leonardo seemed to express limitless creativity throughout his long productive life. So can it be for us. And so it is.

One of the ads in the Leonardo project.

The All American Mom

In the throes of decluttering my garage, I came across a box of my son David’s school work, including this 7th grade essay, “The All American Mom,” for which he received an “A” and the comment, “Great Job.” It’s not often we catch a glimpse of our former selves, which can be motivating for our present selves.

David writes: “Have some millet,” said my mother, offering me what looked like a bowl of yellow mush. My mother, who is a determined person, has been persistently searching for health foods and exercise programs which will slim her middle-aged body and keep her healthier.”

(Not so different from today, where I am still searching and working for programs to slim my now elderly body!”)

The essay continues, “Once my mother makes up her mind, there is no stopping her. We now have in our house a stationary bicycle, a mini-trampoline, a heartbeat monitor, many boxes of sprouted grain cereals, and of course, millet. She is not only determined to exercise every day, but to eat this stuff. When I leave for school, I often see her eating a bowl of sprouted grain cereals, and when I get home from school, I’ll see her jumping on her mini-trampoline.”

(Hmm. The bicycle is long gone, replaced by a Gazelle, now also gone, and a Total-Gym, still in the garage but calling to reclaim it’s former space in the rec room. The heart monitor, which now includes blood pressure readings, still has a favored place on my nightstand, and the mini-trampoline is still here, mostly unused. Sprouted grain and millet are not savored of late, but perhaps I’ll rethink my menus. Green drinks now take an important place.)

The essay continues, “My mother has managed to slim her middle-aged body and keep herself healthier. Her 5 foot 9 inch frame, which weighed 165 pounds only a few months ago, is now 20 pounds lighter.”

(Gee, I’m actually over the 165 starting point from years ago and a tad shorter, but the goal of becoming 20 or more pounds lighter is still there. If I achieved it then, I can achieve it now!)

David concludes, “My mother is becoming quite a character with all of her ‘health-nut’ ideas, but I think it’s really working out for her.”

Yes, I’ve become a character. Some of my ‘health-nut’ ideas have fallen by the wayside, but on reading this I’ve revived my determination to spend more time at the gym, less time eating, and to see if I can revive that determination and unstoppable enthusiasm toward my goals.

Certainly, Science of Mind and Spiritual Mind Treatment can bolster that determination and pro-active approach to health and vitality. As Ernest Holmes says: If we wish health, we must embody the idea of health, the consciousness of health. Since the body is an effect and not a cause, we must know that bodies and conditions never move but are always moved upon.  We can declare, "I am an open channel for good to flow in and through me, freely, generously, cheerfully.”

With that in mind, I declare I have perfect health of mind, body and spirit. I treat and use my feet.

And so it is.

Another Disappearing Act

Tonight I’ll speak of my brother TOM. He was 17 months older than me, turning 80 in a few days. I would see him now and then, when he would visit with his motor home for a few days. Tom led a nomadic life...living in a Majestic Class B motor home, and traveling from camp to camp as a member of Thousand Trails.

On June 13 he was discovered deceased in his motor home at a campground near Las Vegas. He had entered on May 31 and was due to leave on June 7. When he didn’t leave by June 13, maintenance checked and called authorities. Clark County Coroner’s office took the body, locked up the motor home, and declared it a bio-hazard.

I’ve learned quite a lot in the few days since I was told of his passing. Identification was obtained through fingerprints with the California Department of Justice and a photograph from me wouldn’t help in the ID. He died of natural causes and was sitting on the floor when found.

So my memories and grief about Tom are mixed with business realities. I have a will. I am named executor. If I don’t want to proceed then my understanding is Clark County Public Administrator can take over.

At one point I called my own local attorney who said I needed answers to two key questions prior to making that decision: What was his legal residence, and what are the assets and liabilities?

So really, I had to become Sherlock Holmes and try to ferret out information. From my photos and a picture from last year, I had his vehicle license plate...registered in South Dakota. I eventually learned his mailing address was in South Dakota. Probably his driver’s license but I don’t have that yet. I know he had $134 in his wallet and 6 credit cards, didn’t owe anything to Thousand Trails, and had a bank account and an online trading account in 2007 when the will was made. People and various entities won’t tell me more until certain documentation is presented.  I asked around for advice. Some said I needed to go to Las Vegas, go into the motor home, and look for evidence of assets/liabilities, etc.

Then I learned it wasn’t advisable for someone my age to go in, even with protective gear, because of the toxicity. One trauma clean-up service estimated the bill to clean up could be $8-10,000; the motor home in good condition would be worth about $14,000. Gradually a picture began to emerge, and I needed to answer the question: Do I go proceed with the responsibilities of the will or let Clark County Public Administrator take over?

All this has been very stressful, amidst the grieving for a brother who has now disappeared. He was very much a loner and very alone in those final moments of his life.  I contacted my younger brother and we reminisced about Tom. I thought about the trajectories of our lives. My other brother and myself led traditional lives with long-term marriages, reasonable prosperity and children who became upstanding citizens. Tom, a very intelligent guy, took a different path.

But he was a good brother. I was reminded of one recent event, where he agreed to escort me to the Center Gala, and bought a very nice suit, shirt, tie, shoes -- the whole works -- because it was important to me.

In my recent research I learned about the RV lifestyle and the different strategies RVers use to get mail forwarding, pay bills, have bank accounts, health and vehicle insurance and more. They are a free-spirited group, often living off the grid without the encumbrances of mortgages and 9 to 5 jobs. Freedom is important to them. I had new respect for the life and lifestyle Tom had chosen. It worked for him.

So for Tom, as with others I have known and lost, I think of the poem, “And That is Death,” where the author stands on the seashore watching a ship disappear over the horizon. Someone says, “Look--he’s gone. “Gone where? Gone from my sight, that’s all." But at that very moment, others eagerly watch his approach and call out, “Look, he’s coming.” So I imagine my mother and father eagerly waiting to embrace him on that other shore.

As Ernest Holmes says,   “You and I are born out of God, and just as we are born out of a divine urge that creates, so do we die. It is all creation. It is all evolution.”

And so it is.

Celebration of Life

Janet's artwork from one of her many travel destinations. Artist Unknown.

I recently had occasion to attend a celebration of life , a memorial, for a long-time friend, Janet. Held at a private home, the 16 women and two men in attendance shared photos and memories of Janet, and were treated to a fantastic feast prepared by the hostess.

Janet experienced a very full and adventurous life, and the artwork at right hung over her mantle, decorating her living room along with other treasures from her years as an airline stewardess, overseas teacher in Germany, Greece, Korea and Saudi Arabia, and as a tour guide. Some of these were offered as gifts to attendees, and I thought I'd take this one one as a memento of our friendship and good times together.

Sometime in her fifties, she developed kidney disease and eventually experienced years of dialysis and a kidney transplant. Even the dialysis didn't stop her travels. She would do research and find places where she could continue the treatment overseas. She was very intrepid, able to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. Eventually ill health and dementia took its toll, and she transitioned, gone.

I've reached that point in life where people are disappearing.  Sometimes it's someone I know locally, and there's a palpable shock that he or she is "gone."  Sometimes I'll think of someone from the past, wonder what's going on with them, check the Internet, and find out they've transitioned. I knew, for example, a well known and well published author from years spent in Seattle. When I looked him up, I learned he was gone as of last year. We had lost touch, and now we've lost touch for good. These disappearing acts are becoming more frequent as I grow older 

This got me thinking about what we leave behind. Perhaps children, grandchildren, published works, successful companies, charitable foundations, and many memories held by others. I learned that Janet's small family home, which she lived in and eventually owned, bought years ago for what would be considered today a paltry sum, was sold for well over half a million dollars, torn down and replaced by a much larger home, which then sold for close to two million dollars. The neighborhood is desirable, and changing. The house she lived in has disappeared, the stuff she collected over the years gone...some to new homes, like mine, some to a dumpster.

Of course stuff in my home will need to be disposed of, also, when the time comes. But life is not about stuff and things, or even accomplishments. It's about living....being here NOW.  Enjoying this gift of life, in whatever shape or form it takes, as we walk this path into the great unknown.

I think of the poem, "And That Is Death," where the author is standing on the seashore, watching a ship as it disappears over the horizon. Then someone says, "Look--she's gone." Gone where? Gone from my sight, that's all.  But at that very moment, other eyes eagerly watch her approach and voices gladly shout, "Look, she's coming." 

As Ernest Holmes writes in Science of Mind, "When death shall come and the spirit, freed, shall mount the air, and wander afar in that great no-where, it shall go as it came, freed from sorrow, sin and shame; and naked and bare, through the upper air shall go alone to that great no-where. Hinder not its onward way, grieve not o'er its form of clay, for the spirit, freed now from clod, shall go alone to meet its God."

And so it is.

Who's Got My Back?

Collage of husband and protector of 43 years

I was attracted to the title of the book, Girls With the Grandmother Faces, as I figure I’m one of those girls. We’re late fifties, on into sixties and seventies. Our children are grown and gone, spouses gone too...mostly we outlived them.  And we have quite a few bonus years ahead of us with choices to make. Many of us enjoy good health, and freedom to travel, educate ourselves and be active in the world around us.

When we lunch with friends, we’re the girls with the grandmother faces. We seem younger than my grandmother, who passed at 63 or my mother at 73. Now here I am, well past that, with husband of 43 years gone, and living the life of a widow... with more choices.

Off and on I contemplate my choices. Stay in the home, move near my kids, expand my interests here, start fresh in a new place. Usually I procrastinate, but lately I’ve been decluttering, thinking at least I’ll get rid of stuff so I CAN move.

And this is definitely challenging. I looked through my husbands voluminous writing files, wondering what to throw away from these residues of the past. I found long letters, unfinished novels, short stories, photos of past crushes, and more.

I came across a note in one of his files. “Once I asked Elizabeth why she wanted to marry me and she burst out: ‘Larry, you’re a jewel.’ I decided soon after that someone with such weak evaluatory powers required my protection in the world,” he wrote on a scrap of paper.

Well, protect me he did. Wonderful husband and father to the two children we raised. Good provider. Good money manager. Good decision maker. Good trip planner. Really great at what he called the “maintenance mode of life,” which he didn’t really like.

In any case, I’m left with it and I’m dealing with it. In the midst of the decluttering, the water heater sprung a leak. No big deal, I say. I’ll replace it, which I did.  When I see the laminate floor curling up, I check the Internet and learn there may be mold growing underneath and I should call my insurance company. Which I did. And the adjuster came out, and things began rolling.

Water remediation company comes in with fans and other equipment to dry the place out. They look at the tiles under the flooring...uh oh...could be asbestos. Asbestos tester comes out Yup! asbestos.

Water heater out. All furniture, everything out. Stripped to the walls. Whatever can’t be stuffed in the garage or guest bedroom goes to off-site storage. Asbestos people come, seal off the room, do their thing. Don’t go in the room for 24 hours.

OK. They’re gone. Water remediation equipment picked up. Water heater back, so I have hot water, but no laundry equipment. Next step...construction guy negotiates with insurance guy so we move ahead to fix floor, walls that had to be removed, etc.

Went out to look at my cypress trees. A bunch of them are dying. Have to deal with them. But first -  taxes! Have flat tire as I pull into tax place. No worries. Triple A to the tire store, four new tires.

Yesterday, health challenge arose. Time to visit Kaiser and see what’s what. Blood pressure rising.

I gotta say...I look back on that protection. I would love that. That was another era.

Today is a new day, new choices to make.  Learn to trust my own decisions. Get in a Wonder Woman pose. Be a woman of power and authority. Take some risks and discover my own capabilities. Live  alone and like it. Adapt to change.  Freedom, yes, plus responsibility. Opportunity to enrich my life and grow.

Who’s got my back now?

Ernest Holmes and Science of Mind. "Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life"  "Treat and Use Your Feet" "Act as If and You will Be." " Life lies open to you, full rich and abundant." And as Dr. Kenn Gordon, Spiritual Director of Centers for Spiritual Living, wrote in a recent email: Have "a profound faith that Infinite Spirit is unfolding, evolving and expressing as all of creation, all of the time."

And so it is.

Power Positions

Have you heard of the Wonder Woman pose? Hands on hips, feet apart, standing up straight and tall. This is an expansive, high power position; it stimulates  the dominance hormone.

Then there’s the tall and proud, like Rocky, hands up in the air...signaling "I’m passionate, confident, authentic, captivating and comfortable. I have Presence. I'm a Winner." And not only do other people see me that way, but it changes how I feel about myself.

So let’s bring our boldest, most authentic selves to our biggest challenges, says social psychologist and Harvard business professor Amy Cuddy in her book, Presence.  How do we demonstrate presence? By accessing our personal power. And how do we access our personal power? By making small changes to everyday body language, behavior and mental attitude.

Her research indicates that by developing Presence, we can free ourselves from fear in high pressure situations and perform at our best.

You’ve got a big job interview coming up? Don’t wait in a low power position,  shrunk into yourself, making yourself smaller, she advises. This generates the stress hormone. Don’t sit there hunched over your smartphone in the iPosture, which mimics the low power position.

Go somewhere private, and for two minutes, stand in a Power Position. Be Wonder Woman. Be Rocky. Feel confident, assertive and alive before you tackle that challenge.

In Science of Mind we use Spiritual Mind Treatment to access spiritual power to help us build the life we desire. We treat and use our feet. We don't sit back and do nothing. Treatment is active, says Ernest Holmes. Our action, our moving of our feet, is to provide the mental mold for our desires. The Law will take care of providing the perfect substance to fill that mold.

Presence can help us develop that mental mold. We say, "Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life." Cuddy goes a step further:  Our body language, our bodies change our minds; our minds change our behavior; and our behavior changes our outcomes.

And if you feel like a fraud, then fake it. Not just till you make it, but fake it till you BECOME it.

That dovetails with our teachings. ACT AS IF you cannot fail. ACT AS IF your are healthy, wealthy, loved and loving, creative and wise. When you ACT AS IF, you are getting your whole mind - conscious and subconscious - involved in the creative process.

As you embody the desire, your subconscious accepts these behaviors, thoughts and feelings as natural, as normal, for you. As Ernest Holmes says: ACT AS IF AND YOU WILL BE.

And so it is.

Here's a link to a video made by Linnaea Mallette of a short training talk I did on this topic. 
https://youtu.be/GHXxEgJRuw4

For information on Linnaea go to: http://LinnaeaMallette.com.