Saturday, April 21, 2018

Navigating Elderhood Part II

I have been in discussions with Rev. Nancy about developing a fall program focusing on Navigating Elderhood. One interesting resource is Harvey W Austin, M.D.‘s book, Elders Rock!, in which he calls on seniors, or those on that path, which includes all of us, to: “Don't Just Get Older. Become an Elder.”

There’s much more to life than simply aging, he says. We can grow wiser, more compassionate, and become a powerful contributor to the life of our families and the larger community. The world needs Elders, who have been sidelined, ignored and dis-empowered from their traditional roles as the Third Stage of Life, the wisdom givers.

With the development of towns, cities, industrialization and technology, the world view and extensive life experiences of elders have diminished and the three stages of life, Youth, Adult and Elder, have devolved to two stages, Youth and Adult. The Adult stage, with its emphasis on accumulation, exploitation of the planet, and the insatiable quest for more, is bringing the planet to an unsustainable level. Austin sees Elders as a force to bring balance to the world, to dispel the myth that old is not as good as young, and to humanize and heal society..

He acknowledges the reality of the declining body. Yes, I’ve been experiencing it lately. I could use a hearing aid, some dental implants. possibly cataract surgery and Friday night, for the first time, I tried out an APAP machine that blows air into my nose to keep my breathing channels open when I sleep. And all this is just from the neck up.

Austin’s response is “So What?” Elderhood isn’t a soccer game that demands a strong body. “Elder is not an age of life, rather it is a stage of life. It is a way of being. And it is a way of being by choice. Each of us has a choice whether to focus on the declining body, or on the upsurge of spirit that an Elder can exhibit,” he writes. Our beliefs, our perceptions, determine which path we will take. Senile or wise Elder, that’s the choice and the stand we take. He offers a prescription for Elderhood in his book.

Recently in trying to figure out where my skyrocketing heartbeat, high blood pressure and insomnia  were coming from, I decided I was experiencing good old anxiety -- something I decided to call the LAD Anxiety Syndrome. LAD stands for Loneliness, Aging and Death. The doctor said, Oh, that’s a  "phase of life" issue. It's not original to me at all, but typical of this phase of life, especially death anxiety, which is an underlying, universal and basic fear to all humans. It's also a fear we tend to put on the back burner, individually and as a culture.

Austin advises the Elder to confront death, up front and personal, rather than get stuck in denial. Your view might shift, he says. "You may conclude death is not only confrontable, but even an exciting aspect of life." I don't know about that, but as Religious Scientists, we can turn to Ernest Holmes who  says: “The experience of dying  is but the laying off of an old garment and the donning of a new one.” We simply transition into the spiritual realm.

But not yet! Before that happens, there is much that Elders can bring to the world in terms of service, and much we can do to live a life of joy, loving relationships, creative expression, leadership, conflict mediation, social activism and more. As Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

So those of us at the back end of life, who still have "gas in the tank," as Rev. Mike has said, can start where we’re at, work on ourselves to become the best that we can be, and determine how to share our unique gifts, life experience and wisdom as we navigate this daring adventure of Elderhood.  

And so it is.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Navigating Elderhood

Recently I was experiencing physical symptoms, so my process, with the help of the Internet, was to analyze them. Awakening with a skyrocketing heartbeat and blood pressure, and hearing my heartbeat as tinnitus on top of my existing tinnitus, was freaking me out.. Pulsative Tinnitus, it’s called, with various possible causes. Then insomnia kicked in. Through a process of elimination, I decided I had good old anxiety. Was this generalized anxiety? No, I narrowed it down to something I called the LAD Anxiety Syndrome, plus an overriding need for life purpose. LAD stands for loneliness, aging and death.

Loneliness: my husband transitioned, close friends died or moved away, and I was spending more time in isolation in my home. With the Internet, Amazon and Netflix, why go out? Aging: I can see the body changing in ways I don’t like. Death: it seems to be coming closer.

I mention the LAD Anxiety Syndrome to my doctor. Oh yes, that’s “phase of life issue.” I’m not so clever after all; it’s simply common for elders. It’s even in the DSM-IV, the diagnostic manual for therapists as Code V62.89 Phase of Life Problem.

Well, we can’t do much about aging. Maybe we can slow it down with vitamins, exercise and healthy lifestyle choices, but it’s happening. We can’t do much about death. Maybe we can postpone it until our nineties or even over 100, but it’s happening.

I figured the only thing I can do something about is the loneliness. Get out, make new friends, socialize even though I’m basically an introvert. Work on developing purpose and legacy for this stage of life.

On the medical front, I had my carotid artery checked, a Holter 24-hour heart test, some blood tests and a home sleep study for apnea. Doctor added a small dose of beta blocker for blood pressure and skipped heart beats.  I declined the statin for now, resisting becoming another walking basket of pharmaceuticals.

Thinking back to my studies in counseling psychology, I recognize that I’m in one of the later stages of Erik Erikson eight stages of psychosocial development. At each phase of life we face a challenge --  pursue growth and evolution or make choices that thwart it.  In Stage 7, from ages 40 through 64, we choose generativity versus stagnation. With generativity we contribute to society and support future generations, making our lives count for something. Stagnation leads to a self-centered, stagnant life.

I fall into Stage 8: from age 65 to death, the issue is integrity versus despair. If we choose integrity, we see our lives as a positive force and allow wisdom to emerge. We essentially move away from any despairing thoughts of being useless, irrelevant or burdensome, to sharing our wisdom and worth with the world.

Ernest Holmes in Science of Mind doesn’t have much to say about aging, other than old age is an idea of “race consciousness,” and that Love is stronger than any other force in the Universe. We can treat: “My life in God is ageless, deathless, abiding...I am harmonious, peaceful, free and unafraid.”

As for death, “The experience of dying  is but the laying off of an old garment and the donning of a new one.” We simply transition into the spiritual realm.

For loneliness, we can use the Law of Attraction. “..we should cultivate an attitude of friendship toward everybody and everything. The one who has learned to love all people will find plenty of people who will return that love.” He quotes Emerson: “If you want a friend, be a friend” In other words: be proactive.

Developing purpose is the same throughout life: “Conscious thought is the starting point of every new creation,”  he says. So start where we’re at, check out strengths, gifts and talents, and determine how to share them in navigating elderhood.

And so it is.