Another Disappearing Act

Tonight I’ll speak of my brother TOM. He was 17 months older than me, turning 80 in a few days. I would see him now and then, when he would visit with his motor home for a few days. Tom led a nomadic life...living in a Majestic Class B motor home, and traveling from camp to camp as a member of Thousand Trails.

On June 13 he was discovered deceased in his motor home at a campground near Las Vegas. He had entered on May 31 and was due to leave on June 7. When he didn’t leave by June 13, maintenance checked and called authorities. Clark County Coroner’s office took the body, locked up the motor home, and declared it a bio-hazard.

I’ve learned quite a lot in the few days since I was told of his passing. Identification was obtained through fingerprints with the California Department of Justice and a photograph from me wouldn’t help in the ID. He died of natural causes and was sitting on the floor when found.

So my memories and grief about Tom are mixed with business realities. I have a will. I am named executor. If I don’t want to proceed then my understanding is Clark County Public Administrator can take over.

At one point I called my own local attorney who said I needed answers to two key questions prior to making that decision: What was his legal residence, and what are the assets and liabilities?

So really, I had to become Sherlock Holmes and try to ferret out information. From my photos and a picture from last year, I had his vehicle license plate...registered in South Dakota. I eventually learned his mailing address was in South Dakota. Probably his driver’s license but I don’t have that yet. I know he had $134 in his wallet and 6 credit cards, didn’t owe anything to Thousand Trails, and had a bank account and an online trading account in 2007 when the will was made. People and various entities won’t tell me more until certain documentation is presented.  I asked around for advice. Some said I needed to go to Las Vegas, go into the motor home, and look for evidence of assets/liabilities, etc.

Then I learned it wasn’t advisable for someone my age to go in, even with protective gear, because of the toxicity. One trauma clean-up service estimated the bill to clean up could be $8-10,000; the motor home in good condition would be worth about $14,000. Gradually a picture began to emerge, and I needed to answer the question: Do I go proceed with the responsibilities of the will or let Clark County Public Administrator take over?

All this has been very stressful, amidst the grieving for a brother who has now disappeared. He was very much a loner and very alone in those final moments of his life.  I contacted my younger brother and we reminisced about Tom. I thought about the trajectories of our lives. My other brother and myself led traditional lives with long-term marriages, reasonable prosperity and children who became upstanding citizens. Tom, a very intelligent guy, took a different path.

But he was a good brother. I was reminded of one recent event, where he agreed to escort me to the Center Gala, and bought a very nice suit, shirt, tie, shoes -- the whole works -- because it was important to me.

In my recent research I learned about the RV lifestyle and the different strategies RVers use to get mail forwarding, pay bills, have bank accounts, health and vehicle insurance and more. They are a free-spirited group, often living off the grid without the encumbrances of mortgages and 9 to 5 jobs. Freedom is important to them. I had new respect for the life and lifestyle Tom had chosen. It worked for him.

So for Tom, as with others I have known and lost, I think of the poem, “And That is Death,” where the author stands on the seashore watching a ship disappear over the horizon. Someone says, “Look--he’s gone. “Gone where? Gone from my sight, that’s all." But at that very moment, others eagerly watch his approach and call out, “Look, he’s coming.” So I imagine my mother and father eagerly waiting to embrace him on that other shore.

As Ernest Holmes says,   “You and I are born out of God, and just as we are born out of a divine urge that creates, so do we die. It is all creation. It is all evolution.”

And so it is.

Celebration of Life

Janet's artwork from one of her many travel destinations. Artist Unknown.

I recently had occasion to attend a celebration of life , a memorial, for a long-time friend, Janet. Held at a private home, the 16 women and two men in attendance shared photos and memories of Janet, and were treated to a fantastic feast prepared by the hostess.

Janet experienced a very full and adventurous life, and the artwork at right hung over her mantle, decorating her living room along with other treasures from her years as an airline stewardess, overseas teacher in Germany, Greece, Korea and Saudi Arabia, and as a tour guide. Some of these were offered as gifts to attendees, and I thought I'd take this one one as a memento of our friendship and good times together.

Sometime in her fifties, she developed kidney disease and eventually experienced years of dialysis and a kidney transplant. Even the dialysis didn't stop her travels. She would do research and find places where she could continue the treatment overseas. She was very intrepid, able to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. Eventually ill health and dementia took its toll, and she transitioned, gone.

I've reached that point in life where people are disappearing.  Sometimes it's someone I know locally, and there's a palpable shock that he or she is "gone."  Sometimes I'll think of someone from the past, wonder what's going on with them, check the Internet, and find out they've transitioned. I knew, for example, a well known and well published author from years spent in Seattle. When I looked him up, I learned he was gone as of last year. We had lost touch, and now we've lost touch for good. These disappearing acts are becoming more frequent as I grow older 

This got me thinking about what we leave behind. Perhaps children, grandchildren, published works, successful companies, charitable foundations, and many memories held by others. I learned that Janet's small family home, which she lived in and eventually owned, bought years ago for what would be considered today a paltry sum, was sold for well over half a million dollars, torn down and replaced by a much larger home, which then sold for close to two million dollars. The neighborhood is desirable, and changing. The house she lived in has disappeared, the stuff she collected over the years gone...some to new homes, like mine, some to a dumpster.

Of course stuff in my home will need to be disposed of, also, when the time comes. But life is not about stuff and things, or even accomplishments. It's about living....being here NOW.  Enjoying this gift of life, in whatever shape or form it takes, as we walk this path into the great unknown.

I think of the poem, "And That Is Death," where the author is standing on the seashore, watching a ship as it disappears over the horizon. Then someone says, "Look--she's gone." Gone where? Gone from my sight, that's all.  But at that very moment, other eyes eagerly watch her approach and voices gladly shout, "Look, she's coming." 

As Ernest Holmes writes in Science of Mind, "When death shall come and the spirit, freed, shall mount the air, and wander afar in that great no-where, it shall go as it came, freed from sorrow, sin and shame; and naked and bare, through the upper air shall go alone to that great no-where. Hinder not its onward way, grieve not o'er its form of clay, for the spirit, freed now from clod, shall go alone to meet its God."

And so it is.

Who's Got My Back?

Collage of husband and protector of 43 years

I was attracted to the title of the book, Girls With the Grandmother Faces, as I figure I’m one of those girls. We’re late fifties, on into sixties and seventies. Our children are grown and gone, spouses gone too...mostly we outlived them.  And we have quite a few bonus years ahead of us with choices to make. Many of us enjoy good health, and freedom to travel, educate ourselves and be active in the world around us.

When we lunch with friends, we’re the girls with the grandmother faces. We seem younger than my grandmother, who passed at 63 or my mother at 73. Now here I am, well past that, with husband of 43 years gone, and living the life of a widow... with more choices.

Off and on I contemplate my choices. Stay in the home, move near my kids, expand my interests here, start fresh in a new place. Usually I procrastinate, but lately I’ve been decluttering, thinking at least I’ll get rid of stuff so I CAN move.

And this is definitely challenging. I looked through my husbands voluminous writing files, wondering what to throw away from these residues of the past. I found long letters, unfinished novels, short stories, photos of past crushes, and more.

I came across a note in one of his files. “Once I asked Elizabeth why she wanted to marry me and she burst out: ‘Larry, you’re a jewel.’ I decided soon after that someone with such weak evaluatory powers required my protection in the world,” he wrote on a scrap of paper.

Well, protect me he did. Wonderful husband and father to the two children we raised. Good provider. Good money manager. Good decision maker. Good trip planner. Really great at what he called the “maintenance mode of life,” which he didn’t really like.

In any case, I’m left with it and I’m dealing with it. In the midst of the decluttering, the water heater sprung a leak. No big deal, I say. I’ll replace it, which I did.  When I see the laminate floor curling up, I check the Internet and learn there may be mold growing underneath and I should call my insurance company. Which I did. And the adjuster came out, and things began rolling.

Water remediation company comes in with fans and other equipment to dry the place out. They look at the tiles under the flooring...uh oh...could be asbestos. Asbestos tester comes out Yup! asbestos.

Water heater out. All furniture, everything out. Stripped to the walls. Whatever can’t be stuffed in the garage or guest bedroom goes to off-site storage. Asbestos people come, seal off the room, do their thing. Don’t go in the room for 24 hours.

OK. They’re gone. Water remediation equipment picked up. Water heater back, so I have hot water, but no laundry equipment. Next step...construction guy negotiates with insurance guy so we move ahead to fix floor, walls that had to be removed, etc.

Went out to look at my cypress trees. A bunch of them are dying. Have to deal with them. But first -  taxes! Have flat tire as I pull into tax place. No worries. Triple A to the tire store, four new tires.

Yesterday, health challenge arose. Time to visit Kaiser and see what’s what. Blood pressure rising.

I gotta say...I look back on that protection. I would love that. That was another era.

Today is a new day, new choices to make.  Learn to trust my own decisions. Get in a Wonder Woman pose. Be a woman of power and authority. Take some risks and discover my own capabilities. Live  alone and like it. Adapt to change.  Freedom, yes, plus responsibility. Opportunity to enrich my life and grow.

Who’s got my back now?

Ernest Holmes and Science of Mind. "Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life"  "Treat and Use Your Feet" "Act as If and You will Be." " Life lies open to you, full rich and abundant." And as Dr. Kenn Gordon, Spiritual Director of Centers for Spiritual Living, wrote in a recent email: Have "a profound faith that Infinite Spirit is unfolding, evolving and expressing as all of creation, all of the time."

And so it is.

Power Positions

Have you heard of the Wonder Woman pose? Hands on hips, feet apart, standing up straight and tall. This is an expansive, high power position; it stimulates  the dominance hormone.

Then there’s the tall and proud, like Rocky, hands up in the air...signaling "I’m passionate, confident, authentic, captivating and comfortable. I have Presence. I'm a Winner." And not only do other people see me that way, but it changes how I feel about myself.

So let’s bring our boldest, most authentic selves to our biggest challenges, says social psychologist and Harvard business professor Amy Cuddy in her book, Presence.  How do we demonstrate presence? By accessing our personal power. And how do we access our personal power? By making small changes to everyday body language, behavior and mental attitude.

Her research indicates that by developing Presence, we can free ourselves from fear in high pressure situations and perform at our best.

You’ve got a big job interview coming up? Don’t wait in a low power position,  shrunk into yourself, making yourself smaller, she advises. This generates the stress hormone. Don’t sit there hunched over your smartphone in the iPosture, which mimics the low power position.

Go somewhere private, and for two minutes, stand in a Power Position. Be Wonder Woman. Be Rocky. Feel confident, assertive and alive before you tackle that challenge.

In Science of Mind we use Spiritual Mind Treatment to access spiritual power to help us build the life we desire. We treat and use our feet. We don't sit back and do nothing. Treatment is active, says Ernest Holmes. Our action, our moving of our feet, is to provide the mental mold for our desires. The Law will take care of providing the perfect substance to fill that mold.

Presence can help us develop that mental mold. We say, "Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life." Cuddy goes a step further:  Our body language, our bodies change our minds; our minds change our behavior; and our behavior changes our outcomes.

And if you feel like a fraud, then fake it. Not just till you make it, but fake it till you BECOME it.

That dovetails with our teachings. ACT AS IF you cannot fail. ACT AS IF your are healthy, wealthy, loved and loving, creative and wise. When you ACT AS IF, you are getting your whole mind - conscious and subconscious - involved in the creative process.

As you embody the desire, your subconscious accepts these behaviors, thoughts and feelings as natural, as normal, for you. As Ernest Holmes says: ACT AS IF AND YOU WILL BE.

And so it is.

Here's a link to a video made by Linnaea Mallette of a short training talk I did on this topic. 
https://youtu.be/GHXxEgJRuw4

For information on Linnaea go to: http://LinnaeaMallette.com.

With Spring, I Set A New Direction

I shake off the lethargy of winter and set course for new directions as this extra hour of daylight signals the coming of Spring. I plant thoughts of love, forgiveness, gratitude, beauty, wisdom and more. I know that my thoughts, like seedlings, grow into the fruit of my experience.

As I anticipate the arrival of Spring, I move from darkness to light, into the light and love of the Divine Source, mirrored in my own inner self. I open my heart and mind to shift my thinking into higher levels of clarity, insight and stamina, and listen for divine guidance to propel me into a life of vigor, strength, satisfaction and illumination.

I embrace the flowering blossoms of plants and trees with the spring rain, and all the beauties of this earthly experience, and know that it nourishes my divinity and my humanity, while on this plane of existence.

With gratitude, I release my word into the Law of Mind, knowing it returns to me multiplied abundantly.

And so it is.

Convergence of Soul and Mind

I move toward union, or uniformity in my being, allowing the clarity of my soul and the murkiness of my mind to converge. I release any whimpering, complaining or blame; rather, I take responsibility for my ideas, and I implement them. I am proactive in the world. I take action.

As I bring more spirit power into my thinking, I am a catalyst for change--in my life and in the lives of others. I dare to be myself; I step into my own innate genius, to express myself in Freedom, and know that I am an expression of God in action here on this plane of existence. I set my word in motion to manifest what I desire to see in my life and in the lives of others. I know that I can do, be and have anything I desire as the clarity of spirit converges with the murkiness of my thinking to lift me toward total clarity, toward personal and spiritual growth and empowerment.

With gratitude, I release my word into the Law of Mind, knowing it returns to me multiplied abundantly.  And so it is.

What Does Love Mean?

Today is Valentine’s Day. Love is in the air, and candy, flowers and and fancy cards are being sent and received ...  in the name of St. Valentine.

Yes, Valentine’s Day is named after a saint. According to legend, he was a priest in the time of Emperor Claudius II in third century Rome. Claudius decided that single, rather than married, men were better suited for battle. So he outlawed marriage for young men...as they were his potential pool of soldiers. Valentine rebelled against this decree, and performed marriages for young lovers in secret. But when discovered, he was imprisoned and sentenced to death.

While in prison, the legend goes, he fell in love with the jailer's daughter and sent her a farewell letter before he was beheaded. He signed it "from your Valentine." Thus...the first Valentine, associated with romantic, passionate love.

But love goes beyond this concept of the romantic love. As Ernest Holmes says."Love is an essence, an atmosphere, which defies analysis, as does Life Itself. It is that which IS and cannot be explained...The essence of love, while elusive, pervades everything, fires the heart, stimulates the emotions, renews the soul and proclaims the spirit. Only love knows love, and love knows only love."

I received an email the other day entitled,  “What Does Love Mean? See How 4-8 Year-Old Kids Describe Love.” The article has been around for awhile; perhaps you’ve received it.  Supposedly a group of professionals asked four to eight-year old children, “What does love mean?” The 20 responses were deeper than expected and quite moving.

For example, a six-year old responded:: "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”   We could all use that one, even on a global scale. No doubt the world would be a better place.

I love this response by an eight-year old: "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." 

It reminded me of the time I was caring for my husband before he transitioned. When he was in bed for the night he would say, “Thank you darling, for everything you did for me today. I love you.” The first time he said that I was taken aback; where did that come from? But no matter. It felt good.  And I began saying it back to him. We had forgotten to say “I love you”  to each other. It made those final weeks more loving and easier.

These words are from a seven-year old:   "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." 

Yes. That reminded me of Christmas with my daughter and her family. We went to Palm Springs for the holiday; I bought a beautiful pop-up Christmas tree from the Internet and we took it to Palm Springs with a bag of gifts, mostly for the kids, ages seven and ten. And it was wonderful fun to see them opening the gifts, playing with the dancing robot I found at the mall, and then just sitting around, enjoying the family time and the love that was in the room.

A four-year-old said: "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.” So even when we’re tired  from whatever challenges we’re experiencing, that love for those we hold most dear can, as Ernest Holmes says, fire the heart and renew the soul. We can still smile when we’re loved and loving.

The response judged most caring was that of a four-year-old whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Sometimes, that’s all we need.

And so it is.