Navigating Elderhood

Recently I was experiencing physical symptoms, so my process, with the help of the Internet, was to analyze them. Awakening with a skyrocketing heartbeat and blood pressure, and hearing my heartbeat as tinnitus on top of my existing tinnitus, was freaking me out.. Pulsative Tinnitus, it’s called, with various possible causes. Then insomnia kicked in. Through a process of elimination, I decided I had good old anxiety. Was this generalized anxiety? No, I narrowed it down to something I called the LAD Anxiety Syndrome, plus an overriding need for life purpose. LAD stands for loneliness, aging and death.

Loneliness: my husband transitioned, close friends died or moved away, and I was spending more time in isolation in my home. With the Internet, Amazon and Netflix, why go out? Aging: I can see the body changing in ways I don’t like. Death: it seems to be coming closer.

I mention the LAD Anxiety Syndrome to my doctor. Oh yes, that’s “phase of life issue.” I’m not so clever after all; it’s simply common for elders. It’s even in the DSM-IV, the diagnostic manual for therapists as Code V62.89 Phase of Life Problem.

Well, we can’t do much about aging. Maybe we can slow it down with vitamins, exercise and healthy lifestyle choices, but it’s happening. We can’t do much about death. Maybe we can postpone it until our nineties or even over 100, but it’s happening.

I figured the only thing I can do something about is the loneliness. Get out, make new friends, socialize even though I’m basically an introvert. Work on developing purpose and legacy for this stage of life.

On the medical front, I had my carotid artery checked, a Holter 24-hour heart test, some blood tests and a home sleep study for apnea. Doctor added a small dose of beta blocker for blood pressure and skipped heart beats.  I declined the statin for now, resisting becoming another walking basket of pharmaceuticals.

Thinking back to my studies in counseling psychology, I recognize that I’m in one of the later stages of Erik Erikson eight stages of psychosocial development. At each phase of life we face a challenge --  pursue growth and evolution or make choices that thwart it.  In Stage 7, from ages 40 through 64, we choose generativity versus stagnation. With generativity we contribute to society and support future generations, making our lives count for something. Stagnation leads to a self-centered, stagnant life.

I fall into Stage 8: from age 65 to death, the issue is integrity versus despair. If we choose integrity, we see our lives as a positive force and allow wisdom to emerge. We essentially move away from any despairing thoughts of being useless, irrelevant or burdensome, to sharing our wisdom and worth with the world.

Ernest Holmes in Science of Mind doesn’t have much to say about aging, other than old age is an idea of “race consciousness,” and that Love is stronger than any other force in the Universe. We can treat: “My life in God is ageless, deathless, abiding...I am harmonious, peaceful, free and unafraid.”

As for death, “The experience of dying  is but the laying off of an old garment and the donning of a new one.” We simply transition into the spiritual realm.

For loneliness, we can use the Law of Attraction. “..we should cultivate an attitude of friendship toward everybody and everything. The one who has learned to love all people will find plenty of people who will return that love.” He quotes Emerson: “If you want a friend, be a friend” In other words: be proactive.

Developing purpose is the same throughout life: “Conscious thought is the starting point of every new creation,”  he says. So start where we’re at, check out strengths, gifts and talents, and determine how to share them in navigating elderhood.

And so it is.

Brad's Status and Me

As a movie buff, I sometimes take my ideas for Creative Thoughts from films. Recently I saw Brad’s Status, which one reviewer called “one of the most humane movies you’ll see this year.” 

It stars Ben Stiller as Brad, who at age 47, is experiencing a midlife crisis. Youth has faded, roads have not been taken, and as he takes stock of his life he compares himself against friends from his college days.

There’s Billy, who sold his tech company at age 40 and now lives a life of luxury in Hawaii; Jason, wealthy hedge-fund manager cavorting in his private jet; Nick, a successful Hollywood director, also living a a lavish lifestyle; and Craig, a best-selling author, Harvard lecturer and political pundit. Brad fantasizes about their lives, and how his life pales by comparison.

He’s comfortable, runs a non-profit that links needy organizations to wealthy benefactors. has a loving wife who works in government, and a musical prodigy son who is Harvard material.

But it’s not enough. He’s insecure, jealous, just not measuring up to his fantasies, and time is running out. You’ll have to see the film to see how Brad works through his insecurities, how the fantasies about his friends are not what he supposes, how everyone, despite outer appearances, has their challenges in life, and how he comes  to realize what matters most in life.

The film reminded me of my own mid-life crisis, sometime in my forties. I looked at time left. What would I do with it? After some bouts of anxiety and insomnia, answers came. Time to  leave the stay-at-home mom role to go back to work, and then on to graduate school in counseling psychology. The insistent frenzy in the outer world about women’s liberation prompted me to do more, be more, and to move out of my comfort zone.

So now, some forty years later, I find myself well past the mid-life crisis and into what I call my “late-life crisis.” The ten-year anniversary of my husband’s transition is coming up, giving me pause. My old nemesis anxiety, accompanied not only by insomnia but some heart irregularities, brought me to nocturnal self-examination. 

What have I been doing for the past ten years? And not just the past ten years, but my entire life so far? Should I have done more? Been more? Somehow made more of an impression in the world? A bigger footprint? Did I waste my gifts and talents? Yadda yadda yadda! Monkey-mind was having a field day.

At these times it’s good to see what Ernest Holmes has to say. In Science of Mind he writes:  “Man does not exist for the purpose of making an impression upon his environment. He does exist to express himself in and through his environment. There is a great difference. Man does not not exist to leave a lasting impression upon his environment. Not at all. 
It is not necessary, if we should pass on to tonight, that anyone should remember that we have ever lived. All that means anything is that while we live, WE LIVE, and wherever we go from here we shall keep on living...It is quite a burden lifted when we realize that we do not have to move the world.”

In the final scene of Brad’s Status, Brad is in bed, having gone through some gentle transformations. He turns to the camera and says, “I’m alive!” He is fully present in the moment, and can experience love, joy, beauty and and all that this gift of life has to offer.

 And so it is. 

Robots and Science of Mind

A few years ago I saw the film, Robot and Frank, about an elderly man whose children bought him a robot assistant.  I thought: I want one. I’m getting older, and wouldn’t it be great to have a robot companion who could cook, drive, take care of the house, participate in fun activities, even engage in conversation. In the film, Frank taught the robot to assist him as a jewel thief, so that didn’t end well.

Most recently, I enjoyed the British series, Humans, about a society where humanoid, anthropomorphic robots, called synths, are everywhere, filling roles from household help to physical therapist, marriage counselor, medical personnel and sex workers. When one character was asked why she isn’t pursuing her dream to become a doctor, she says: Why spend seven years learning something that a synth can learn in seven seconds?  With synths taking most of the jobs, it’s unclear how anyone earns a living.

Most synths are simply programmed robots, but a special group was illegally developed to be conscious, sentient beings who don’t want to work as smiling slaves.  One plot line revolves around their quest to obtain the code for consciousness. They want to create more synths like themselves.

This smacks of the concept of the technological singularity, when intelligent machines become capable of progressively redesigning themselves to build even smarter and more powerful machines, a superintelligence that would vastly surpass human intelligence and abilities.

One character says this would be a threat, the end of humanity. Another says it’s the future of humanity. With scientists working feverishly to advance artificial intelligence, and with examples of present-day robots presented on YouTube, this fictional near-future may be closer than we realize.

In one scene, Max, a deviant synth separated from and worried about his “family” of similar androids, decides to try prayer. He kneels and says:

“Hallo. My name is Max. I have two brothers and two sisters. But... I think I may have lost them forever. I don't know if you can hear me, your existence is unproven and seems extremely unlikely, but if you are there, and if you listen to... things... like me, please help! I don't even have to see them again, just keep them safe! In return... I will be available to assist you in any way I can, and I will try to believe in you.”

This stimulated my thinking about artificial intelligence, robots, and religion.  In Science of Mind, we teach that all beings are expressions of and part of Infinite Intelligence, Spirit or God. God is all there is. God is in us, and of us, and for us...in our own soul, operating through our own consciousness.

If a soul is the metaphysical, eternal part of us, imparted by God, can it be programmed? Would robots have souls? If they truly have consciousness, would God operate through them? If robots have consciousness of self-awareness, free will and decision-making, will they have a relationship with God? Will we welcome them into our churches and spiritual centers? Can they be spiritual beings? Will we grant them personhood?

Lively debates around these issues of robots and spirituality are presently swirling on the Internet. The synths are coming. Not if but when.  Be prepared. Join the conversation.

And so it is.

Passport to California

Recently my granddaughter, who lives in San Francisco, asked me to help her with a school project, “Passport to California.” She selected someone, namely me, who had emigrated to California, and then asked a number of questions, gathered information and photos and made an oral presentation.

Back in 2004, I discovered the website My Publisher and created a photo book and later a DVD about my life up to that point. Lately I’ve been thinking about augmenting that legacy with a more detailed memoir of my life and times. My granddaughter’s questions stimulated my memory banks and my determination to get going on my life story.

Why would any of us do that?  I like having a permanent memoir that I could publish as a legacy to family and friends, even to sell if appropriate, and to remind myself of highlights, accomplishments, and even worries, of my life.  And I was a world-class worrier! A catastrophic thinker. 

 Yet...here I am, still walking around on the planet as I approach my eightieth birthday. The arc of my life becomes clearer.

Perhaps I have some wisdom to pass on. Or I simply want to be remembered. Or descendants may appreciate knowing more about me and the path that led to their beginnings.

For example, I tell my kids that they wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for LBJ, Lyndon B. Johnson. An act of political patronage changed the trajectory of my life. Back in my early San Francisco days, I was engaged to a naval lieutenant. When that broke up, a girl friend persuaded me to join the Foreign Service. She envisioned us living together in some exotic post.  I remember her saying in her Texas drawl, “We’ll live like queens, like queens, on our combined living allowances.”

Well, that didn’t happen. She was assigned to Athens, Greece and I was assigned to Dakar, Senegal. I really wanted to go to Europe. That was my dream. So I called my father, who managed a factory in West Virginia. One of his foremen was influential in the Democratic Party. “Can X do anything?” I asked. That was on a Friday.

On Monday I had a new assignment: Brussels, Belgium. I called my father. “Don’t do anything, I got Brussels.” To which he replied, “The call went out Friday night.”

Later I discovered, while flipping through a Rolodex in the Personnel Office,“Lyndon B. Johnson” in parentheses on my card. Apparently he was my patron. I met my husband in Brussels and the rest is history.

Writing a personal memoir can be therapeutic, even fun, as we recall and record memories from decades ago. Our writing doesn’t have to be along some rigid timeline of birth onward. We can pick those incidents and experiences that are most profound, that had the greatest impact on our life journey.  For me, a bout with breast cancer directed me toward a spiritual path, and the philosophy of Science of Mind. Thus I’m here today, writing this blog.

Ernest Holmes says, “Never limit your view of life by any past experience.” He also says, “Prepare your mind to receive the best that life has to offer.” We can use our past to see the forks in the road, the paths taken, the life changing events, even our losses, as experiences that help us to blossom and grow mentally, physically and spiritually. As he says, “You are more than you appear to be. Life is greater than you have ever known it. The best is yet to come.” 

And so it is. 

Harvesting Our Lives

In a film about Henry VIII’s six wives, his fifth wife, Catherine Howard, was a teenager when Henry, nearly fifty, married her. It didn’t go well, and Anne ended up in the Tower, facing execution by beheading for a treasonous relationship with a young man.

The night before her execution, she asked her jailer to bring the block so she could practice. Which she did. Gracefully putting her head on the block, she reportedly faced her death with courage, equanimity and dignity.

This scene came to mind as I was reading Rabbi Zalman Schacter-Shalomi’s book, From Age-ing to Sage-ing, A Revolutionary Approach to Growing Older. As we grow older, he writes, we encounter anxiety about our inevitable mortality, and deny the reality of our physical demise. It’s the unknown. As Religious Scientists, we believe our consciousness continues into another dimension, that we transition. But still, there may be nagging fears.

Oh well, “I’ll think about that tomorrow,” we say to ourselves.

Unlike Catherine in the Tower, we don’t know when it’s going to happen, or if we’ll suffer unspeakable decline. How depressing! Youth and vitality are fleeing, or have fled; my body is in decline. What’s left? I don’t like it. Aging is despicable!

The Rabbi recommends: shift from ageing to sageing. Become an elder rather than elderly. Integrate body, mind and soul to become a spiritual elder -- a fountain of wisdom to younger generations, a bridge builder to the future with freedom, life experience, knowledge of the past, and ability to survive and thrive. Use this transformation to advocate for the larger public good.

As teachers, mentors, role models, creative agents and custodians of humanity’s wisdom, elders can demonstrate a new paradigm of aging and enlightened values.

Elders who demonstrate zest, joy, service and deep meaning, empower themselves as well as younger generations, to re-evaluate aging as a promising time, a time of renewal and spiritual growth.

The first step, says the Rabbi, is to face our mortality. Look at time left, and figure out what to do with it. Rather than go back to work or get involved in the busyness of life, he suggests we “harvest” our lives.

Harvesting our lives! What is that, and how do we do that?

It’s an important task for life completeness, says the Rabbi. Basically it means life review, to reflect on our past experiences. They can be both positive and negative, successes and failures,. This helps us to understand the meaning of our lives.

How did we deal with these experiences in the past? Can we repair them? Can we forgive those who betrayed us? Can we see how traumatic events of the past, even when painful, moved us onto a different, even amazing path? Can we, with a broader understanding, reframe so-called failures into successes? Can we forgive ourselves for past regrettable behaviors?

And can we record what we have learned over a lifetime -- and who we have become -- so it is not lost in the dustbin of history but instead finds its way into global awareness?

When we, as elders or those on the path to becoming elders, do this work, says the Rabbi, we free ourselves to move forward, to enjoy and participate actively in the extended lifetimes common to our generation. With a sense of life completion, we can face mortality with the courage, equanimity and dignity of Catherine Howard.

Unlike Catherine, we have time --time to go forth as spiritual elders. As wisdom keepers, we become healers of family, community and Earth itself.  

And so it is.

Money and Energy

I’m currently enrolled in our Spiritual Center's Financial Prosperity class, based on Maria Nemeth’s book, The Energy of Money. What is this “energy of money?” It’s congealed energy," according to Joseph Campbell. "Releasing it reveals life’s possibilities.”

We use this energy of money to power and empower our lives, says Nemeth. When it flows, life is simply easier. Also, it’s a metaphor for our relationships with other forms of energy: time, physical vitality, enjoyment, creativity, and the support of friends. The way we deal with money is reflected in other aspects of our lives.We earn, spend, save, and invest money. It brings our goals and dreams into physical reality.

When we, as Religious Scientists, do spiritual mind treatment, we declare our intentions...what we desire to show up in our physical reality. Declaring these intentions isn’t enough, however; we have to “treat and use our feet.”

We have to take action. We let go of limiting beliefs in the metaphysical realm, know and declare our life intentions, and then get to work in the physical realm to make them happen.

Sometimes we have “trouble at the border,” says Nemeth, where the metaphysical realm meets physical reality. This is where monkey mind...that incessant inner chattering of worries, doubts and fears, tries to block us from any new or risky adventure.


I was reminded of a film I saw recently, The Last Word, starring Shirley MacLaine as 81-year-old Harriet Lawler, who is determined to have a positive, noteworthy obituary about herself when she transitions. She engages a young obit writer, Anne Sherman, to write it. Anne learns that no-one has anything good to say about Harriet, so the obit is abysmal.

What to do? Harriet decides to shape her legacy, to craft a life worth praising in print. She’s going to have “The Last Word.”

Analyzing a bunch of obits, she finds four essential ingredients: 1)loved by family; (she’s divorced from her husband and hasn’t seen her daughter in 20 years); 2) admired by co-workers;(they hated her bold, challenging, perfectionist, self-centered, bossy ways, and kicked her out of the company she founded);  3) touched someone’s life unexpectedly (preferably a disabled minority, and she doesn’t know any), and 4) the wild card.

So what’s the wild card? Something of such breadth and wonder that it is the opening line of the obituary.

The journey begins, and we see Harriet as not only this tough, challenging, success-driven woman, but a well of hard-earned wisdom.

“Are you willing to take a risk to do something stupid?, she asks a group of schoolgirls. “Are you willing to take a risk to do something great?”

“Fail.” Fail spectacularly. When you fail, you learn. When you fail, you live.”

And this one: “Please don’t have a nice day. Have a day that matters. Have a day that means something.”

Her love of music of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s lands her an unlikely gig as a disc jockey at station playing music for independent minds. A definite wild card.

Harriet didn’t have any trouble managing the energy of money, or dealing with Monkey Mind at the border between intention and accomplishment, or seeing her goals materialize in physical reality. She plowed ahead. She was willing to follow her dreams, take risks to live up to her potential, and stay true to herself in the process.

In the end, she touched others unexpectedly, especially the obit writer who became a risk taker. She was inspired to shift and lift, to change her thinking and change her life.
We can all learn from Harriet.

And so it is.

Father's Day 2017

Today is Father’s Day, so I decided to ask two fathers I know this question: What do you like best about being a Father? They both said basically the same thing. The children themselves: the gifts, the treasures that they are.

To have created these beautiful, new human beings, with their own unique personalities and talents ...THAT is a fantastic gift.

I asked the two men what was their biggest concern as fathers, and again their answers were similar. They want to see their children thrive. Fathers know the world can be challenging to navigate, so they want their children to be prepared, to be strong physically, mentally and emotionally.

They are teachers, even when they are not specifically teaching. They teach by example, by the choices they make, by the risks they encourage their children to take, by the the love, patience, caring and support they give their children.

Of course not all fathers are alike, and not everyone has happy memories of their fathers or perhaps no memories at all of an absent father.

When I look back on my own childhood, I was blessed in that I had very supportive parents, each in their own way. Mother was the communicator, the family switchboard, and we could take all our troubles to her for comfort and we had long conversations at the kitchen table.

Father, being Swedish, was more stoic. He never said, “you’re important, I love you.” But he was always there. He supported the family in that traditional way of the times. He could be counted on.

Out of my memory comes one incident. I was almost sixteen, so time to get a driver’s license. We drove a bit around our  small West Virginia town, and then went down to the country club, where he was a charter member. He directed me to drive between two tall trees on the grass, which I did.  When I asked him to teach me how to park, he said it wasn’t necessary. I could always pull into a parking garage and they would do it.

Being the manager of the local toy factory, the chief employer in the area, he was a big frog in a small pond. When it came time for my driver’s test, he simply called one of the state troopers to come up to the house and we drove around a bit and voila! I passed. Years later, when I needed to drive AND park in the big city of Seattle, I took formal driver’s ed training.

For six summers I worked at the Marx toy factory, in the shipping department doing typing and filing. Once, having fun with a co-worker, I wrote a satirical poem about working there.

Although poem is lost in the dustbin of history,  I remember phrases such as “I sold my fingers into slavery,” but “don’t accuse Marx of knavery,” and it went on from there.
Someone in the office got hold of the poem, copied it and tried to send it to the company’s New York office to embarrass my father.

When my father came home from work, he had the poem in his hand. It was caught in the mail room before mailing. He simply looked at me accusingly.  “How did you know it was mine?” I asked. “Because no one else had the vocabulary,” was all he said about it.

One other memory came to me. He and my mother visited us in California six months before he died. As he was leaving to go to the airport, he turned around, shook my hand and said: “It was nice knowing you!” That was his unique way of saying: I love you.”

Here’s a poem by an anonymous author from the Internet: A Father's Love

A father is respected because

He gives his children leadership...

Appreciated because

He gives his children care...

Valued because

He gives his children time...

Loved because

He gives his children the one thing

They treasure most - himself.

And so it is.