Navigating Elderhood

Recently I was experiencing physical symptoms, so my process, with the help of the Internet, was to analyze them. Awakening with a skyrocketing heartbeat and blood pressure, and hearing my heartbeat as tinnitus on top of my existing tinnitus, was freaking me out.. Pulsative Tinnitus, it’s called, with various possible causes. Then insomnia kicked in. Through a process of elimination, I decided I had good old anxiety. Was this generalized anxiety? No, I narrowed it down to something I called the LAD Anxiety Syndrome, plus an overriding need for life purpose. LAD stands for loneliness, aging and death.

Loneliness: my husband transitioned, close friends died or moved away, and I was spending more time in isolation in my home. With the Internet, Amazon and Netflix, why go out? Aging: I can see the body changing in ways I don’t like. Death: it seems to be coming closer.

I mention the LAD Anxiety Syndrome to my doctor. Oh yes, that’s “phase of life issue.” I’m not so clever after all; it’s simply common for elders. It’s even in the DSM-IV, the diagnostic manual for therapists as Code V62.89 Phase of Life Problem.

Well, we can’t do much about aging. Maybe we can slow it down with vitamins, exercise and healthy lifestyle choices, but it’s happening. We can’t do much about death. Maybe we can postpone it until our nineties or even over 100, but it’s happening.

I figured the only thing I can do something about is the loneliness. Get out, make new friends, socialize even though I’m basically an introvert. Work on developing purpose and legacy for this stage of life.

On the medical front, I had my carotid artery checked, a Holter 24-hour heart test, some blood tests and a home sleep study for apnea. Doctor added a small dose of beta blocker for blood pressure and skipped heart beats.  I declined the statin for now, resisting becoming another walking basket of pharmaceuticals.

Thinking back to my studies in counseling psychology, I recognize that I’m in one of the later stages of Erik Erikson eight stages of psychosocial development. At each phase of life we face a challenge --  pursue growth and evolution or make choices that thwart it.  In Stage 7, from ages 40 through 64, we choose generativity versus stagnation. With generativity we contribute to society and support future generations, making our lives count for something. Stagnation leads to a self-centered, stagnant life.

I fall into Stage 8: from age 65 to death, the issue is integrity versus despair. If we choose integrity, we see our lives as a positive force and allow wisdom to emerge. We essentially move away from any despairing thoughts of being useless, irrelevant or burdensome, to sharing our wisdom and worth with the world.

Ernest Holmes in Science of Mind doesn’t have much to say about aging, other than old age is an idea of “race consciousness,” and that Love is stronger than any other force in the Universe. We can treat: “My life in God is ageless, deathless, abiding...I am harmonious, peaceful, free and unafraid.”

As for death, “The experience of dying  is but the laying off of an old garment and the donning of a new one.” We simply transition into the spiritual realm.

For loneliness, we can use the Law of Attraction. “..we should cultivate an attitude of friendship toward everybody and everything. The one who has learned to love all people will find plenty of people who will return that love.” He quotes Emerson: “If you want a friend, be a friend” In other words: be proactive.

Developing purpose is the same throughout life: “Conscious thought is the starting point of every new creation,”  he says. So start where we’re at, check out strengths, gifts and talents, and determine how to share them in navigating elderhood.

And so it is.