Life Lessons

Whether it's at family gatherings over the holidays, or at other special events with important people in our lives, these could be good times for us to capture some of the wisdom of the older generation.  This is the theme of 30 Lessons for Living, an extensive study and book on older Americans by Gerontologist Karl Pillemer.

Pillemer developed a series of questions we could ask around the holiday dinner table or other family gatherings.   Since I’m officially an “elder,” here is how I would answer a few of them.

Question: What kind of advice would you have about getting or staying married? 
I call my 43-year marriage (until my husband transitioned four years ago), the 80% solution. By that I mean we shared core values, and were not only lovers, but friends who liked, respected and trusted each other.  We were both introverts, so we valued our alone times to recharge. Fortunately our house was large enough for separate recharging stations....he had the living room and I had the rec room.

We were on the same page for the big decisions.  For the other 20%, the challenges and hard choices, we were able to avoid major conflict. When there was conflict, we were able to forgive and move on.

Question: What kinds of advice do you have about raising children? 
I have to admit that my husband, Larry, and I were helicopter parents.  But we knew the kids needed to individuate; we were there for guidance and support.  We gave the gift of time, love and energy.

When my son, David, was a toddler, I spent time drawing cartoon animals for him.  He would say, “Draw cow, Mommy.”  Before I knew it, he was on the floor, listening to the story of Peter and the Wolf, and drawing wolves.  He enjoys drawing to this day.

As a teenager, he wanted to go to rock concerts.  Larry would drive him there and wait outside. 
When he was about 14, Larry took him to some Valley club with live country music. David sat near the front, and Larry hovered in the back.  Apparently a couple near David offered him some marijuana. Then they saw Larry hovering nearby.  "Who’s that dude?" "Oh, that’s my Dad!"  Marijuana disappeared fast.

Question: Difficult or stressful experiences can yield important lessons.  Is that true for you?  Can you give me examples of what you have learned?
I remember being engaged to a naval lieutenant in San Francisco back in the sixties, and we broke up.  I was depressed for about a year, had insomnia, the whole ball of wax. 

Then I joined the Foreign Service, had great adventures in Europe, and met my husband, who was a much better match. The lesson: one door closes, another opens.

Question: Did you have any turning points--key events or experiences - that changed the course of your life? 
Being diagnosed and dealing with breast cancer back in the early 90's was a life changer. I decided I wanted to live and I did everything I could to thrive and survive.

The biggest change was discovering Religious Science and Science of Mind.  I needed tools for positive living and I found them here...especially in Spiritual Mind Treatment.  I never dreamed this health challenge would lead me to become an ordained minister.  Sometimes we simply cannot see the gift, or the blessing, in what looks to be a formidable challenge.

Question: Have you learned any lessons regarding staying in good health? 
Yes, be proactive, think for yourself and research whatever symptom or condition comes up in your life, so you can take appropriate action. This may mean going beyond conventional medicine.  After the breast cancer and conventional treatment, my research indicated that those who took supplements survived longer; I developed my own protocol and take a lot of supplements to this day.

 If there is a magic youth pill, it’s exercise.  I started the Dynamos at this Center because Reverend Mike saw me at a local gym on an exercycle, and suggested I start a health and fitness group.

Very important to our mental, physical and spiritual health is our connection to the One. I use Spiritual Mind Treatment on a regular basis for radiant good health, for myself and others.  I know that the Power of the One flows to me, and through me, and for me.

The most important life lesson gleaned from Pillemer’s study? 
“Live like your life is short.”  Time can pass in a nanosecond. It certainly seems that way.

From Ernest Holmes we can know, “Even in our troubles we are not cast down, and though we appear to be deserted, we are not destroyed.  All our experiences are working to the end that we learn the lesson of life and return to the Father’s House as freed souls.”

And so it is.