I'm taking a new class--Radical Forgiveness--at our Center for Spiritual Living. At first I wasn't too interested as I thought: who do I need to forgive? I don't really feel like a victim. Then I heard it could be life changing; some of my former classmates were in the class and I missed them. So I decided to plunge in.
We're using the book, Radical Forgiveness, by Colin Tipping. There's a statement on the cover about a five-stage process to heal relationships, let go of anger and blame, and find peace in any situation.
Usually, when we think of forgiveness, we think of ourselves as victims; we've been wronged, and we blame someone for it. Perhaps out of a sense of obligation, righteousness or compassion we may forgive and forget, or forgive the person but not condone the behavior. This is traditional forgiveness operating on the human level.
Radical Forgiveness is operating in the spiritual realm, viewing us as spiritual beings having a human experience. We have come to this World of Humanity to fully experience the pain of separation from our spiritual source, and to learn and grow from our experiences here in our physical bodies.
There is a divine purpose behind everything that happens. Life events are lessons; life is the curriculum that enables us to awaken to the truth of who we are and return home. There is no right or wrong to these life events, there is no one to blame, and no judgments to make.
Pretty heady stuff, eh? I proceeded to do the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet and to see what came up for me. There are several steps in the process.
First, I identified the main situation around which I have an upset. After 43 years of marriage, my life partner/husband/love of my life transitioned about a year and a half ago, leaving me alone to manage life here on this plane of existence.
So I'm on my own, feeling lonely, vulnerable, anxious, afraid, abandoned and not taken care of. I need to acknowledge my humanness, and accept and own my feelings about this.
My discomfort signals that I want something to change. Larry is gone; I can't expect him to change Perhaps I can change my circumstances. I gave online dating a try; my initial foray was a meeting over coffee with a 74-year old named, of all names, Larry.
The night before I had a dream where my Larry appeared, younger and much buffer, and I said: "Larry, I know you died. What's it like on the Other Side?" When he didn't respond, my grown children (who were in the dream) and I decided he was a "clone."
Was my subconscious telling me I'm looking for a Larry clone? One coffee date and I realized that's not going to happen, nor should it.
Back to Radical Forgiveness. My next step is to collapse the story, to create an even bigger story with any interpretations or core beliefs driving the story, such as: I'm not enough; it's not safe to be me; I am alone; no one is there for me; people abandon me; I'm left out, and so on.
Eventually I work my way to reframing the story, to see that, for whatever reason, my mission or soul contract included having an experience like this for my highest and best good.
The desired result: I now reach a more empowered position, knowing that Larry's transition is an opportunity for me to be on my own, provide my own sense of safety and security, to have confidence in my own decisions and feel myself as a strong, competent person of power and authority. Thus I can send love and gratitude for our time together, his love and support over the years, and the perfection of the situation for both of us.
I can't say I'm there yet, but I've only had one class. I do see that we have a marvelous new tool for spiritual development here at our Center.
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